dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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