Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
