it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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