you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
