Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize