We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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