meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
