is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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