Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
