You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
