Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
