Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
