she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
