Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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