Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
