I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
