you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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