i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
