So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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