hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
