you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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