im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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