you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
