I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
