come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
