Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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