he shaved USA in his pubs
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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