508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If I had your ass I would rule the world
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
