i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
