forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
