Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
