It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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