U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
