It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
