but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
