on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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