Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
