fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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