loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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