Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
