im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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