i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
