im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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