I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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