I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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