She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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