I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
