I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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