Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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