I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
