you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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