I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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