in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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