Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
