let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
