what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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