It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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