last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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