I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize