Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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