i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
